Entry 60: off-line activities

Drill this weekend. It was up in the air for a bit because of the budget not being passed. It is horrendous that our leaders bicker and argue while our service men and women are on the front line, putting themselves at risk with the possibility of not getting paid for it. If it comes right down to it, I would prefer not to get my own money if they need to send it to someone who is deployed.

I am back and forth on my pt test right now. Sometimes I pass some times I do not. The run is my main hurdle at this point. I run at least a mile daily. I have started pushing two for the last month in an effort to accustom myself to the distance I will need to run at basic.

My weight is no longer an issue. I have not been what people would consider fat, but I have been over weight. In the last two months I have shed nearly 20 pounds. I missed my goal last drill by one lousy pound. This drill I’m under the limit by a few pounds. My goal is 175 and I should be able to reach that within the next month.

Progress on my work book concerning the next level of Jedi warrior training has come to a screeching halt. With the fact I have been laid off from my job looming over my head, I find a distinct lack of motivation to accomplish anything remotely resembling work. Perhaps once I have finished my responsibility at this child prison I will have more desire to once again put my efforts into creation.

I am looking foreword to having time to paint again. If I can put the hours I would normally spend babysitting into art, I will be able to create and finish many new works. This must be a priority this summer.

“proceeding with more caution”

Entry 59: rants and ramblings

This is something that has been bothering me for awhile lately. It is the concern and decency that people treat others with. I have standards that I hold myself to. To not speak badly about people I work and live with. To not gossip or judge their actions because god knows i have enough on my own plate to go eating off someone elses.

Why is it so hard for others to give me the same regard? I have been laid off at work because of the black speech of others. Other teachers found it necessary to look over My shoulder and report my every misstep to the higher ups. Did they not have enough to do with their own classes? I know I never had enough time to loom over their backs.

To make matters worse it is carrying over into my life outside of work. People looking over my shoulder online. People I have personally approved as “friends” to see and comment on the parts of myself that I choose to share. I think this bothers me more because though it did not cost me a job, it cut deeper because of the trust I placed in them.

Maybe I am being overly touchy, maybe it is all just poorly timed but because of this double dose of crap, I am having a very hard time putting up with bullshit when I see it. Things like singling people out for punishment who have not earned it. Putting people through hoops to humble them… Bull shit. It’s not even directed at me but it irritates me and I call people out when I see it being done. Maybe this makes me a dick. Most people don’t like having their gossiping and hazing pointed out. I just can’t tolerate it right now.

What makes it worse is that after I let my disappointment known, I feel like a huge jerk because the other person honestly has no justification for what they are choosing to do to someone else and they end up cussing at me or crying. Is this just what humans do to each other and we make it some kind of day to day game? Has it just not mattered to me before? I suppose it’s my fault for expecting different?

In the game of houses, you win or you die.